I Wish…Some Wedding Day Regrets

charlieOur classic bride Charlie is here today to talk about something that doesn’t often get mentioned – regrets from your wedding day! If you’re getting married soon take note from someone who has been there and done it – it won’t always be perfect (but that’s okay!).

Hello lovely Cwtchers!

This week I am going to be honest, in fact painfully honest with you, and say:

“My wedding day wasn’t perfect.”

Don’t get me wrong, it was amazing! But there were a few little things that meant it wasn’t the “perfect” day I had obsessed about for two and a half years! I am going to share them with you in the hope that it may just help one or two of you.

I wish we’d got married earlier

Everyone says it: “The day goes by so fast”, well I’m here to tell you that is an understatement! Our wedding day went by in such a blur that afterwards I honestly could hardly remember it; it was like trying to remember a dream. Having spent a large amount of money on our big day it was really upsetting to not be able to remember everything. We crammed so much in to quite a short space of time (our wedding was at 3.30pm) and I just think that getting married an hour or so earlier may have given us just a little bit longer to savour everything.

I am just so glad that we hired a videographer (we have watched the video so many times!) and that we allocated a large chunk of our budget to photography – Maria was literally there all day documenting every detail and when we got our wedding photos back I was over the moon to realise that I was finally remembering and reliving the day.

I wish I’d relaxed more

I planned to! When I pictured our wedding day I imagined being in my happy little bride bubble gliding around greeting everybody. In reality as soon as I arrived at the castle the nerves went into overdrive. I was so nervous I practically ran down the aisle! I became obsessed with time “Are we running late? Should we be doing such-and-such?” and stressed about guests “Oh I haven’t spoken to so-and-so.” “Is everyone having a good time?”.

The only times I was really relaxed were getting ready in the morning (before the nerves kicked in) and when we were having our couple photos because that was the only real time that I stopped and breathed and took it all in. Take it from me, do try and relax!

I wish we’d had a better wet weather plan (in writing)

I am still a bit gutted that it rained on our wedding day which is so silly because it is the one thing that we could do NOTHING about. My plans for relaxed outdoor games and photos were ruined! Maria kept her eye out for a little dry spell but it rained continuously from the time the bridesmaids left the hotel so we had no chance to get the guest pictures outside at all.

The castle had agreed verbally that we could have access to the beautiful upstairs rooms for photographs in the event of rain but unfortunately on the day we were told we weren’t able to take any guests up with us until the castle was closed to the public. Understandable but it did make us run VERY late and I was very aware that the evening guests would be downstairs waiting for us which was something I REALLY didn’t want! Definitely have a strong wet weather plan; we are in Wales after all!

I wish I hadn’t let my hair down (literally)

This sounds silly but I really do. My hairdresser Kellie did such a good job of my hair and I absolutely loved it, but in the weeks leading up to the wedding I had become unsure of my decision to wear my hair up. So many people were saying how lovely my hair would look if it was down so I made the decision to literally let my hair down in the evening and change up to my MAC Russian Red lipstick for two different looks.

But my hair didn’t fall how I’d imagined, the time it took to pull out all the pins made me even later and left me in a mad rush to get down to do the first dance on time before Frank our videographer was due to leave and then it was so hot that I was wishing for an elastic band all night! The main reason I’d decided to have my hair up was because I knew I would get hot and bothered with it down so I really wish I’d stuck to my guns.

c&m0021

Charlie & Mark Photobooth - Maria Farrelly

See what I mean! (Photos © Maria Farrelly)

Some of you are probably wondering why I am telling you all of this, but if it helps any of you to iron out any little issues before your day, or if it makes just one married person think “Oh thank goodness it wasn’t just me!” then I will be happy. And remember, things don’t always go to plan on the day but even if your day isn’t “perfect” it doesn’t mean it won’t still be amazing! Ours was! :)

Do any of our married readers have any I wish-es? If you don’t mind sharing them with us then please pop them in the comments box, I promise it’s therapeutic!

Love

Charlie x

23 thoughts on “I Wish…Some Wedding Day Regrets

  1. Awww hun, I know how you feel!
    I have a few regrets and at first it was hard to get them out of my head, but my lovely hubby reassured me that as long as everyone enjoyed themselves (including us!) then that was all that mattered.

    My regrets are….
    Photobooth – I didn’t get anyone to look after the camera and photobooth and so what happened was that lots of the children got hold of the camera and they spent most of the time taking the photos and not one of the guests wrote in the book as my cousins did all the writing – sweet but it does mean we don’t have a guest book! PLUS the camera broke immediately after dinner – meaning that in truth we got barely any pictures at all.
    I was absolutely gutted!

    Photos with my maids – I didn’t properly plan what type of photos me & my maids should have. All I knew is that I wanted them to be fun so chose to wait until we got to our reception venue as I was certain they would be more fun there….they weren’t! There was rain, so we couldn’t go outside and in my stressed state (I was the same as you, and was constantly asking the time to make sure we didn’t keep anyone waiting) I couldn’t really think what to do. So we have some very mediocre pictures of us sitting on the stairs – don’t get me wrong they look gorgeous, but the pictures are not ‘us’. Where is us being silly? Where is us singing at each other?
    Why on earth didn’t I use the photobooth props?!!! (who knows!)

    This last one really upsets me as I feel my maids deserved better – they are the people who make me laugh and who were there throughout and I don’t feel I did them justice.

    But what I have to remember is that we did have an amazing day and as long as our guests aren’t lying – so did they! And really that is all that matters :-)
    xxx

    • Aw Bec photo regrets are sad :( it’s so hard on the day to think about these things as there is so much else going on. That’s a good thing for future brides to be to bear in mind before the big day.
      It’s hard to talk about regrets without feeling like you are diminishing your day in some way so thank you for sharing sweetie, I know your day looked gorgeous- I saw it on telly :) xx

  2. This has been so usefull as have been thinking about things like this myself. Glass it’s not be being histerical ha ha also I love the colour of your hair. Do you know what colour it is at the hairdressers please

  3. Charlie this is a brilliant and thoughtful post love. I think we all have it in our head so much what the day is going to be like that it’s easy to remember the bits that glaringly didn’t go to plan.

    I def agree in the getting married earlier!! I LOVED having so many gorgeous people down to share the day with us, our wedding was at 1pm and even though we partied till 5am, if I could do it again I’d have the wedding at 11…….I was awake from 5am with excitment anyway!

    Make sure suppliers are 100% on timings so you don’t get in a faff on the day. I have to say I managed to relax totally as nearly everything was brilliant, but I know my Mum and BM were cross that the caterers for some reason didn’t serve the canapes at the reception until we arrived (the idea was people would get food while we took an extra 45 mins to rock up in our horse and carriage). Bizarre and a conversation I was sure I’d had several times before! Hiring a planner definitely helped me relax and not worry about everything, and I did manage to thoroughly enjoy it all but it IS a bit of a whirlwind.

    Make SURE you can definitely dance in your dress…..! We had planned a first dance and on the night the dress just didn’t seem to bustle up as high as it had previously, so everytime i stepped backwards my heels caught it. PANIC! Cue some very drunk impromptu sewing from my brilliant mother, it did mean that the music was about 45 mins late kicking off though.

    If you are planning on partying all night make sure you know where the caterers have stashed your booze…….

    And I agree definitely think about and factor in time for the photographs that will be important to you. I didn’t realise I’d be sad there isn’t a nice pic of me and my gran, or just me and my brother for example. I think I should have done some of these in the morning while we were getting ready as it would have made the time work better.

    I also have guest book regrets. We had lovely tree for thumbprints and postcards for people to write and a whole cute area set up. I think it was admired at the start but people forgot to go back later, and those that did (judging by the handwriting quality ha!) were VERY drunk! Put someone in charging of getting those lovely messages for you.

    Oh and top tip…if you think you will be too busy and anxious to enjoy all those lovely canapes etc you ordered…stash some ahead of time in whatever wedding transport is taking you to your party…we had a picnic on our way and it was totally worth it (and soaked up the champagne to come!)

    xxx

  4. I hear you Charlie – I was gutted about the rain (which I couldn’t change!).

    My main regret is not pushing harder for my photographer to get a photo of myself and my husband with my grandma. I wrote it on a list of ‘ideal photos to get’ but I think she was upset that she doesn’t have one :-(

    I also regret almost running down the aisle rather than gracefully walking up haha. I was just so keen to see Tom but I’d advise brides to pace yourself haha!

    xxxx

  5. Oh and one more….when I got to our church, met the girls made sure we were all ready and gave mum a hug etc….no one gave the queue to the musicians to start playing! There was this weird 3 minutes where some people could see us and we were all just standing there! In my head I wanted the music to play for a minute or so before we walked in as it was a lovely piece but a v short aisle…and I would have then been able to savour that walk more…as it was I was close to flipping as to why they hadn’t started :-( but as soon as I got to the top of that aisle nothing mattered anyway :-) xx

  6. I have really struggled to live my wedding. I think I got to the point of giving up with it. It was such a battle to do on our budget and k some people were quite troublesome a and not willing to compromise on their wants to help is have a less stressed day.
    Having a friend pull out who had agreed to be the on the day Co ordinator was tough as I felt pressure on the day to tell people where to be and what to do. At one point I was found in the kitchen with bag in the kitchen ready to go clear tables!

    I also wish we had a first dance. No one really danced at our wedding and I think s first dance would have encouraged people to get up.
    Also the way the husband rearranged the room after dinner was nothing like we had agreed and encouragd sitting in small groups.
    Our own vows or if I’d just been brave enough and did a speech to tell everyone why the day was important to me.

    Something, just a little thing, to show my brother was still in our thoughts despite having passed.

    Photos. I love that we have photos. We weren’t going to have photos. But I let people get into my head and tell me what photos we should have. There was then miss communication and when I said traditional set up it was taken to mean all in a row in the garden. I meant traditional as in family groups. I also didn’t leave any time for us to have couple photos.
    Finally looking back I wish my husband and I actually got to see each other after in the reception. Having no Co ordinator we were constantly pulled in different directions to deal with something and to get our daughter out of mischief.

    Lots of regrets but I’m learning to let go. Our guests all day they had a good time and enjoyed themselves so I guess if c they were happy then I should just brush it off. …

  7. Hi Charlie! In contrast to you, getting married at midday meant the day didn’t seem too rushed, but the morning was manic! This means, my one regret was not having time to r3eally savour time with my family and bridesmaids before the wedding itself; I was downing my only glass of champagne as I was being laced into the dress. The big regret here was that no–one was there to capture my Dad’s face when he finally saw me all dolled up as Maria, along with my mum and bridesmaids, had already had to head to the church.

    My other regrets are mainly to do with the planning. Despite having been planning for well over a year, too many things were last minute and meant the week before the wedding was HELL! We never did half the things we planned, our own ipod playlist was one of the things that we never got round too…we’d been so looking forward to a night dancing to Tiffany, Five, The Killers and Kings of Leon!

    I also wish I’d been a bit braver about speaking up when I didn’t like something. I had a lace bolero made and it wasn’t anything like I’d imagined. I eventually got it altered and it wasn’t bad, but it was still too baggy on the arms and now I’m leafing through some of the photos on Facebook it really winds me up. Any brides out there- be a bit bolder and honest when you don’t like something!!!

    xxx

  8. Thank you for all your replies girls, it seems I’m really not alone! I’m glad I wrote this post now,it was hard to write and I’d been worried about looking too negative but hearing all the other regrets on here I think it needed to be said.

    I’m not glad that you all have your wedding regrets but it is nice to not be alone! Hopefully brides-to-be reading this will pick up some invaluable tips :) xx

  9. Fab post Charlie, and so pleased someone was actually brave enough to admit that their wedding was not perfect!!
    I got married at 3pm which was fine by me (although we did have a further two days to party on) but I do wish I’d had a father, daughter dance as well as a first dance with my Mr.
    Also like Shell I was caught in the kitchen ready to rally the troops for a big clear up and moving tables, I also hadn’t thought about lighting in the evening and it was left down to one of guests with a big torch to see everyone to their cars (well those who were safe to drive) (our reception was in a big Manor house where we had to do everything and there was no staff there apart from the caterers).
    Also I forgot about a table plan, which meant I practically walked every guest to their seat! (hiding face in shame as I’m now a wedding stationer)!
    XxX

  10. Regrets, I’ve had a few!

    It hurts that it’s the control freak in me that is still winning, but I WISH I had specified that the guest book needed to be brought from Venue 1 to venue 2… I just assumed wrongly that the co-ordinator would know that.

    I also wish I’d even acknowledged the fact that there was food in the evening. I was so busy flouncing about on the dance floor that I completely forgot there were delicious finger nibbles and our amazing One Jolly Girl wedding cake to be eaten.

    I also wish I’d stuck to my guns over hair. Chaz you looked stunning, but I totally understand. I went with my hairdresser of many many years, who – bless her – isnt at the cutting edge of hair design, and I allowed her to use TONGS. It looked lovely, but not quite the big blousy hollywood curls I had in my mind.

    What a brilliant post, it’s like therapy – and it also tells us that its OKAY to acknowledge that not everything went entirely to plan! ;)

    xxxxxxxxxxx

  11. Thanks so much girls, I’m reading all of the replies with empathy!

    Kaz you looked gorgeous but yep I really understand the hair regret.

    I forgot to eat any of our evening food too! I was gutted when I remembered because I had specifically chosen things I liked!

    It seems there are quite a few guest book regrets, we were lucky that most of our guests stayed over in the same hotel as us so we were able to hand it around in the morning as well but a designated guest book person is a must!

  12. I have an hilarious and endless catalogue of regrets but the one thing that stands out like a beacon and makes me squirm STILL is that friffin’ CARDIGAN. Yes. I accidentally wore a cardigan down the aisle. After 18 months of toning my triceps and my dream strapless dress looking amazing, the whole thing was covered under a cruddy high street cardigan that I forgot to take off and no-one wanted to alert me to in case I had intended to wear it and they’d be offending me by pointing it out.

    So I would say before you glide (hah) down the aisle, have a quick appearance check. And ditch the knitwear.

  13. Chaz lovely post, I think it is good therapy to admit it wasn’t perfect, let’s face it we aren’t pro event organisers and usually haven’t done it before so things will slip by.

    I don’t have any big regrets, I LOVED our wedding photos but I wish I had a few more of us and our friends posing but not stiff. We unfortunately couldn’t get any with my niece and nephew due to naps and tantrums but hey.

    I was conscious about the time of day to get married, and think we got it right for our set up but I still was up at 7am for Jen to start on my hair…. I am sure she would have loved longer.

    Karen – don’t worry me and Phillips enjoyed your evening food and cake ;) I was almost to full for our evening food but it was so damn tasty I ate it anyway!

    We had a very cool guest book approach which worked up to a point but BMs were supposed to swap books by each table for stories and tales but this didn’t happen – despite instructions on each table …. Say no more.

    I’m sure if we wrote a post of everything that was magical we’d be here all year….. Xxx

  14. Charlie this is a lovely post and it makes me feel SO much better about my wedding regrets! I think the reason I love Cwtch so much, even though it was set up after my wedding, is that I would have loved to have a place for inspiration where so much diversity is celebrated. My wedding day was AWESOME and it made me so happy but it’s hard not to look back and wish you had changed certain things because so much pressure is put on you to get it ‘right’.

    The main thing I regret (which, nearly 2 years later, can still bring me to tears) is my dress! How AWFUL is it that I don’t like my wedding dress, right?! My style differs a little to my friends and I didn’t have a strong theme for my day so I found the huge choice available very overwhelming. I also got very caught up in having to make dress shopping an occasion and my only bridesmaid had very little availability to do this so I only went to 2 shops in one very small area. My tip to others would be to go alone if you usually shop alone and seek out dresses that you love the look of – if it doesn’t suit you when you try it on, the people in the shop will help you find something similar in a style that will suit you – they are the experts! Then you can show your shortlist to a few trusted people and get their opinions. I did get a lovely dress but it didn’t make me feel good and I left it too late to get it altered and it was a size too big so wasn’t flattering at all. I know deep down had I just gone for the look I wanted and not told anyone, come the day they would have loved it because I would have looked happy. Feeling uncomfortable and that you really don’t look your best half hour before your wedding is not fun, believe me. My feelings really showed in my pictures as well which is so sad. I feel like I’ll never have the opportunity again to buy an expensive dress that makes me feel wow and have my picture taken and I really blew it that time.

    I would probably relax things a lot more and not worry about pleasing other people as much if I could go back. A lot of opinion comes from misguided concern for you. Would so-and-so really care if you went for roses not gerberas? No. But telling you beforehand that you absolutely shouldn’t do that is just showing you that they care about your wedding, right?! I’m sure you all know what I mean! After the day, you realise that all of those things you did to please people actually made no difference because all that those people really want is to see you happy and in love and getting married!

    Big love to all getting married soon x

    • Oh Aime I am so sorry to hear you didn’t like your dress :( I am sure you looked beautiful but it is awful to be uncomfortable. I hope you can look back and smile now, and I hope you have a happy marriage, that’s what it’s all about right? xx

  15. This has made me feel much better Charlie! My day was near perfect but tiny things went wrong and I’d been letting them get to me – buttonholes went to the wrong people, it rained, and I just couldn’t relax because I was so desperate to relax!!!
    It was the most AMAZING DAY OF MY LIFE and the half hour ceremony was utterly unforgettable, I’ve never felt that happy and it was surreal and amazing – and I love my husband so much it hurts!! We are so so happy to be married and so happy that we had everyone there, and realise just how lucky we are to have each other and our families – and reading this made me understand I’m not the only bride who spent two years planning to be disappointed when the tiniest things weren’t perfect.
    Lesson to brides to be: be extremely organised, down to the tiniest detail – and then when it comes to the day, JUST LET GO.
    Thanks for saying what nobody ever says Charlie!

    • Thank you Fizzy, I am so glad my post helped you- it was really good to get it all out there and all I wanted was for other people to know it’s OK to feel like this!
      Congratulations on your marriage, I’m sure you will both be very happy :) x

      • Great post! Thanks so much for sharing.
        I have quite similar regrets – photos being one big thing! We had a great photographer whose photos really do capture the day beautifully but there were a few missing shots, I wish I had insisted on. Firstly, we didn’t get a bridesmaid shot of all three bm. I asked for informal shots of me with them, meaning I didn’t want us standing in a row but I was only given one with me chatting to two of the three maids (one with her back to me). I take full responsibility that I should’ve been clearer with this one and actually meant relaxed and fun when I said informal. This upset the bridesmaids and caused a few tears since they feel I forgot about them, which honestly wasn’t the case. I also don’t have a shot just of me full length in my dress or a photo of just me and my sister. In these two cases, I didn’t put these on the must have list but assumed they were standard (considering my sister was my maid of honour). Some advice for others: even if your photography list is long, if you definitely want it, put it down! On a final note about the photos and probably my biggest regret is not having a group shot of everyone at the wedding. I totally forgot about it on the day and even one of my cousins asked after the reception and I just dismissed this. Why oh why? It was on the list but with trying to coordinate the day and – yes I wore a watch – I was constantly checking the timing, I was too wrapped up with pleasing everyone else. This isn’t to say I didn’t have a great, no fabulous day but I do wish I had relaxed and put trust in others rather than try to take it all on myself.

        Lastly, I wish I had made a speech. Looking back, It was very male dominated (6 men) so I wish I had had the courage to stand up and thank everyone personally and just tell everyone how wonderful my groom is. This also fits into one of my groom’s regrets. He wrote his speech and memorised it. He always hates seeing people read from paper (I guess that’s the teacher in him) but on the day, the nerves kicked in and he forgot to thank half the people he had meant to. This still upsets him even though I insist we had thanked everyone important individually beforehand when he gave out the thank you presents. I guess it’s not just brides who have regrets!

        • Hi Mrs J, firstly I am so sorry to hear that you have regrets too… it seems they are common. But I am glad you came across this post and hope it helped to know you are not alone.
          Charlie xx

  16. I’ve recently got married and looking back at the photos I am so gutted with my dress, in every photo I have this weird huge fold across my stomach. It was so beautiful and the woman in the shop boned it more to straighten it out and said it would be ok but it really wasn’t. I’m glad I had my flowers to hide it in some of the photos. I wish now I’d gone for a different style and could really cry about it. My husband said I looked beautiful but I’m still so disappointed especially when it cost a ridiculous amount of money.
    It’s even more upsetting to see other people’s wedding photos and they’re looking so great in their dresses.
    It’s nice to read what other people have to say and to know I’m not the only 1 who had disappointments.

    • I am so sorry to hear that :( it is so upsetting to have regrets about your look, I hope you eventually come to see the good bits about how you looked xx

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