Morning you lovely lot!
Our Traditional Bride
My wedding is just 8 little weeks away now, and despite my reputation for being a full blown tidsoptimist (refer to my previous post to find out the meaning of this beautiful word!) I’m almost scared to say that I’m pretty much on track. I’m not going to bore you with the details, but when it comes to final arrangements, bookings, and payments, contrary to my own (and everyone else’s) expectations, I am on point right now. And hopefully that’s going to continue for the next few weeks while I mentally deal with what this latest piece is actually about.
It contains a massive shocker… something I hadn’t really considered at all, and something that I didn’t comprehend was going to happen.
A realisation has hit home, and it ain’t pretty dudes and dudettes, so I’m just going to put it out there – My Wedding Is Not The Centre Of The Universe.
Now this may not come as a shock to you, all the wedding guidelines suggest only to expect 70% attendance, but looking through the names on my guest list and smiling at the thought of seeing all these lovely family and friends that I adore, there was a smug little voice in the back of my head that I barely even acknowledged, that was saying “70%? Pfffff not on MY wedding day! Every single person I’M inviting will be moving heaven and earth to make it, no ifs no buts! What could be more important than this? Nothing of course!”
But guess what? That’s not the case!!
It started with an elderly relative who lives at the very top of the Scottish Isles, who is physically unable to make the long journey down to South Wales. I did know in my heart of hearts that she probably wouldn’t be able to make it, but I still had a little sting when I saw the tick in the “No” box of my craftily handmade RSVP.
Then it moved on to my cousins from California who only got married themselves this year… again, I knew deep down they probably won’t be able to make it, and I was right, but it still feels a little sad.And as the RSVPs have continued rolling in, there have been others… Cousins with children who can’t take time off school, people who will be away on holiday, are moving house, friends with work commitments they just can’t escape, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a massive blow that these people who I love dearly and have handpicked especially to celebrate the biggest day of mine and The Manfriend’s life, for whatever reason, just can’t be there.
It culminated in tears last night when one of my favourite friends returned his negative RSVP due to work commitments (he works abroad to be fair) and for a whole 5 minutes I sobbed to my mum, and could hear my shrill tantrummy voice squealing “but it’s my WEDDING! It’s not just any day! How can’t he get the time off? Surely they will understand!”
And that was the point my mum looked at me with the wisdom and calm that she has, and in a soft voice, she said “well believe it or not love, the world still turns for everybody else.”
And that was it. Boom, like an epiphany, I realised exactly that… Although this is the biggest day of MY life, the most important date apart from my birth, to everyone outside my immediate circle, it’s just Friday 16th of September.
A Friday, the second week of the new school term, the completion day for most house-moves, the start of a busy weekend, someone’s birthday, someone else’s anniversary, a day that may mean something more cherished to someone else away from me and my wedding, away from The Manfriend and I. And that was a bolt from the blue if I’m honest!I’ve spent so long trying not to be a Bridezilla, not going bonkers over the bridesmaid dresses, staying happily out of my hen party plans, not fussing about the flowers and the decor, not making any crazy diva demands, and yet last night, there I was sobbing over a piece of coloured paper because my lovely friend can’t abandon his sole supervisory position and jet the 2,500 miles across Europe for just 24 hours to come to my wedding… and I literally cringed at my own reaction.
So beware… Bridezilla tendencies are not confined to screaming at your bridesmaids and poodying over the shade of ribbons. There’s a deep dark enigma inside all of us which could well be mortally miffed if we receive anything other than an “OMG I’m THERE!!” in our RSVPs. We are inviting our loved ones because we want them there, every single one of them, and if they can’t make it, it hurts. Maybe some of us can admit that perhaps it’s even our egos that are a little bruised. But please, please don’t let the beast get the better of you!
We all know how expensive weddings are, and how lovely it feels to be invited to share someone’s special day, and for that to be directly countered by a completely impossible situation for acceptance, be the reason work, personal or god damn logistical, receiving a ‘No’ can’t be as bad as having to say it. I know from the desperately apologetic messages that have accompanied my negative RSVPs that these people who can’t make it are genuinely gutted. They love us as much as we love them, and would be there in a heartbeat… if they could… but they can’t, and that has to be understood and respected, instead of taken as some kind of personal insult. They are not rejecting me or my wedding! They just can’t make it on the day, and we have to be ok with that, because behind all the confetti, their world is still turning.So don’t be like me, sat sobbing in a heap, throwing bits of paper around and whinging like a spoilt brat. I’ve still got my wedding, I’ve still got the 70% of guests that will be there without a doubt, and I’m grateful and lucky to have them. Of course I will miss the ones who can’t make it, and I’m sure they will be missing me too, but on the day, I know at 12:30pm, they will be sparing us a thought and sending their love and best wishes, wherever they are in the world. Love transcends distance, and even presence, and for that, we must be truly grateful.
I think we can all relate to this. All you really want is to have all your loved one there to join you on your big day. Its really hard to realise that this might not be the case. Great advise to stop an RSVP meltdown. ~ Kate